by Dr. Kim Redman
as published in SNAPD Aurora
“I don’t understand why my boyfriend isn’t as receptive to my stories as my girlfriends are. He’s a really sweet guy, he just doesn’t seem to get it. This is especially true if there is a problem. He just seems to get so frustrated with me.”
Dr. John Grey wrote a series of fabulous and funny books about this very thing. You may have heard of them “Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus” series. They speak to the differences in the way the male and female brains work, especially when it comes to communication. (These are also available from most libraries as videos. Informative and very humorous!)
You have to think historically for this to make sense. Way back in time, when we were hunting woolly mammoth, the ancient man, we’ll call him Grog, had very linear and specific jobs; go out hunting, bring home dinner, procreate. Grog developed hunter skills, like stealthy approaches, and distancing from emotions so he could effectively focus, and minimal but highly efficient communication. Both out hunting and at home,
Grogette stayed back at the cave with the other Grogettes, and used language to arrange every other area of society. Grogettes use other Grogettes as resources, and together created deep relationships, and through them, a community…so they spoke all the time!
Back to the present…
Women use approximately 6,000 words a day, and men use approximately 2,000. That’s a 4,000 word difference!
You might be better served to share the extra 4,000 words with your girlfriends. Also remember that our modern Grogs still have the problem solving gene, so to speak. So if you want him to just listen, without fixing it, you should give him that job description ahead of time: “I want you to listen, and tell me it’s all going to be better soon, then hug me.” He’ll get to play the strong hero, and you’ll get to tell your story.
More on Grog and Grogette to come…
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