by Dr. Kim Redman
Continuing with the LEADERSHIP series, and excerpts from my upcoming book, “As promised, this next set of articles is a series excerpting pieces of one of my upcoming books “Quantum Leadership: How to Lead from the Soul, Become Visionary, and Change the World”. I’ve decided to weave the letters of LEADERS as per Deepak Chopra’s “The Soul of Leadership” book as a guide, and wrap the new material around it. This is one of my favourite books, published in 2010, and if you haven’t read it yet, I suggest that you do! There is something in it for everyone!
E#1 in Leadership = Stands for Emotional Intelligence
In the fields of leadership Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), Results Coaching, and really any high level transformational field, emotions are important. Really important. However, they are never evidence procedure.
Emotions give us power-full data about our story, BUT are really never accurate assessments of our current position in relationship to a goal. For example, businesses use profit and loss statements as evidence of whether or not they are on track to a target. In school we are graded against performance objectives. In the gym we use the number of reps or distance on a treadmill as evidence. That evidence is accurate, and externally measurable, regardless of how I feel about it all, that day.
Does this mean that we ignore our emotions? Of course not. Emotions are valid. The Divine gave them to us so that we could have a vast array of experiences. Emotions are not good or bad, regardless of whether we are enjoying them. They simply exist. We have them, but our actions need not be dictated by our emotions. We call this emotional clarity.
More to the point for leadership and emotional intelligence, emotions are data about our internal filters, and stories. As an example, if someone were angry all of the time, there is obviously something out of balance in their world. The path of solution lies in exploring what is out of balance and , rather than continuously reinforcing that imbalance by discussing their anger.
Visionary Leaders are able to wield emotional intelligence to bring out the best in the people around them and to forge deep emotional bonds with their tribe. Maintaining this bond and desire for “more” actually became a challenge for us at Creatrix Go Quantum, as there was no where our delegates could continue this relationship post graduation. For a while we held local get togethers, but as our tribe expanded to a global audience, we needed to brainstorm that gap. Our graduates wanted MORE, or me, of us, and without it they were unhappy. That was part of the the brainchild for Go Quantum University ™ (GQU™), our online university and tribe centre being launched in 2020. It’s all about relationships.
It turns out that independence is not the goal! Emotional intelligence allows us to form interdependent relationships. According to Stephen Covey author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People®, as well as all mysticism, this step is a necessary part of our social evolution. Interdependence even has a sacred geometry attached to the concept: the Vesica Pisis, often seen as the two intertwined wedding rings. The overlapping circles create a portal, known in mysticism as the ‘Doorway to God’; the literal portal of creating Heaven on Earth.
These overlapping rings form other shapes; the Seed of Life and the Flower of Life. These can be represented by groups. Groups of cells, or groups of people. We know that groups evolve through stages; forming, storming, norming and performing, and transforming. A great leader is able to bring someone through the forest of external masks into their most authentic selves, and hold space via the Vesica Pisis with a new idea or new relationship.
I call this ruthless compassion. I have learned that the best groups perform from their best selves, while I continue to evolve my own best self. I use the word ruthless in this description because “nice”, just won’t cut it. Kindness will. Compassion will. A Visionary Leader will tell someone they have toilet paper attached to their shoe, from a place of kindness and compassion. A nice person won’t. It is not always a comfortable moment, but it is beautiful. The key to allowing this beautiful energy is lack of attachment as to whether or not they actually remove the toilet paper from their shoe.
Nice is toxic and a form of covert manipulation in our society. Nice has an implied threat to it; comply or be removed from the tribe. Nice is about keeping face for you. It has nothing to do with the well being of the person on the other side of the vesicle pisis. Nice is used in society to teach our daughters not to act and our sons not to feel, and it needs to change.
So the question for all humans becomes, “Can you act in love, even when you are not in like? Can you stay neutral through a tense situation?” We have a saying in our Journey of Truth™ program, “Your response, is your responsibility.” That means if someone made a mistake, it is their job to correct it, and your job to handle how you feel about it, and communicate clearly through a resolution filter. The intention for resolution is key. If you are not yet truly at the place of resolution, please continue to be with your own process.
During our varied courses, I am often asked ways that we can begin to develop our emotional intelligence. Deepak Chopra has some great suggestions on pages 45-50 of The Soul of Leadership:
- Stay aware of your body. Sensations of tightness, constriction, stiffness, discomfort, and pain are indications that negative emotions are asking to be acknowledged and released.
- Witness your feelings. Emotions suck us in and inevitably color our judgement.
- Express your feelings. This means, first and foremost, expressing them to yourself when you know that they are negative and potentially destructive. Learn how to release your negativity in private and be diligent about it.
- Take responsibility for what you feel.
My additional list of How-To’s is below:
- Keep a bird’s eye view of the situation. It assists in developing a faster and easier resolution.
- Seek expert advice with someone who can compassionately reflect back your blind spots. We all have them. If you have no one in your life who can fill that role neutrally, then seek out a professional.
- Emotions are tied to beliefs. Find ways to shift your perspective. In the last article we called that ability ‘acrostic vision’.
- In our Designing Your Destiny® program, the first secret we share is that “You get to be right, or you get to be happy, healthy and wealthy.” Both anger, or staying in the victim story and continuously repeating it, are attached to being right. I will suggest that an alternative perspective is focusing on being effective.
- Listen to the 70 trillion geniuses that are our cells. The body is our consciousness vehicle. How you think about what you feel, and what you actually feel, are often two different things and handled by different systems, or minds.
- Vent constructively. Do something physical with the intention of healthfully venting. Think of it as getting the negative emotions out of our cells. Chop wood. Clean floors. Vacuum. Go for a brisk walk. My Baba used to talk about washing the floors when she was angry. She cleaned “her” out while cleaning the house. It’s a great metaphor too.
- Seek peace. Peace is different than denial or suppression of your feelings. When you lose attachment to ego, a natural behavioural flexibility occurs. We are less and less worried about what is outside of us, because we are centered inside of ourselves.
As you build and share more authentic relationships, the natural magnetism of Visionary Leadership grows. As always, seek to guide yourself and others into growing a greater emotional intelligence. After all it’s just an intention, and a focused intention on your own magnificence and the magnificence of others around you. Go be magnificent!
Until next time…
To Your Empowerment
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